It ain’t Fair

Oh! Woe is me. To be born this way, to have to live a life deprived of sincerity. Had it been true that a choice was to be made, then life would have been easy.
But it was not a choice, was it? No, it was not the choice for me.

Truly, I had been blinded all my life! I had thought myself shielded, pure of the desires that will lead me afar from the betterment of the self. But look at me now, a simple stroke of fingers through hair, and I had to force myself away.

To feel the heat rises to the surface of my skin, to see my face burn red. To feel another with me, yet none was there. I had missed so much. And I had thought that I chose to miss it, yet here we are.

I fail to look away.
I fail to keep the thoughts at bay.
I fail to calm the thrum of my heart.
If it was a choice than I wonder, how was I supposed to choose?
I would’ve liked it the other way.

Because to look is to be looked back, not by you.
Because to harbour the thought is to understand that dreams can only be dreamt.
Because to set the heart free is to pain the body and mind.
If it was a choice — and I had chosen the wrong one — I wouldn’t have chosen it. But, here we are.